Sunday, December 15, 2013

Parents (consolation)

Biologically, we are promised parents. Not good parents, or even present parents. There are no tests required, no licencing, no prior approval. If we are lucky, we survive childhood, and leave home. I was born postwar, and quire an number of the kids I knew did not make it to high school graduation, and quite a few died shortly thereafter. Oh Well, we are all mortal and must die sometime.

Childhood could have ended much worse. I did not buy the farm when offered, I narrowly missed that leg hold trap. I was not sold into slavery, as were some, when they bought there fathers farm. One was miserable in life until he expired in his early 40's, mainly from overwork.

We were not exposed to parish, although at time that place was so cold that I had to do my homework with pencil by coal-oil lamps. Ink froze. Oh well, there was the heat of summer and the mosquitoes.

We were poorer that the neighbours, but they had debts. I survived and left. The point is we are born of parents who control our life for the early years. At some point we need to go our own way, make our decision and have our own failures. We cannot allow our poor learning of life skills drag us down forever. We must take responsibly, change as necessary, do what is necessary, and parents just need to live with the results.

We may have delusions of what parents should be; they may have delusions of what their children should be. Delusion, all delusions, expectations, are at the root of much of the mental distress we suffer. Let them go, as the buddha suggested.

Be well, breath, smile, and enjoy what life has to offer. Daoish.


  1. I think that both parents and child must come to a point when they have to let go.

    Some find it easier than others.

    Isn't it part of being a parent that they do their best to bring up the child to become a responsible adult. Of course none of us are perfect and mistakes do happen but it's how we deal with things that really matter.

    If only more of us could "Be well, breath, smile, and enjoy what life has to offer." .... Daoish.

    All the best Jan

  2. Where and when I grew up, survival was a full time job. Parents were more concerned about survival than what the children became.


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